Surfing Vancouver Island  

The Great Canadian Wax Saga   
Borecky, Grinder and Sticky Situations  



The Great Canadian Wax Saga:

 PART I
Borecky, Grinder and Sticky Situations.
Following a trail of stickers and odd web-pages I became curious as to the new Canadian Wax sensation known only as ‘Grinder’. As his internet web page screams ‘Girls, Surfing, Beer, Wax’, I found it hard to get a hold of him. Finally I caught up with his phone number and called him around 9 pm on a Saturday night, fully expecting him to be drunk, disorderly and bellowing over a few screaming co-eds. A soft spoken voice answered the phone. “Grinder? No I think he’s in bed reading his book, can he call you in the morning?” He did. I was hung to the roof. It was 8:00 am. He’d just gotten in from a surf session. I feel like such a slovenly bum.

Borecky: Ok Grinder, let’s cut to the chase right off the bat. Since you espouse yourself as a ‘Canadian’ wax manufacturer..what’s your beer?

Grinder: Ohhh. I enjoy Lucky and Pilsner

Borecky: Pilsner? (Grinder tried to reneg on this latter statement but I had to pursue the truth)

Grinder: Two reasons, no one else drinks it willingly so no one will steal it. The other is that the can gives me nostalgia. I grew up in an area with rabbits and hills and trains. Gets me warm and fuzzy. Plus it has four colours so it’s easy to find after you’ve had a few.

Borecky: Riiiiight. Ok … surfing or sex.

Grinder: Surfing, hands down.

Neil Borecky - We like him better draped in the living room curtains

Borecky: ..your pants? Bwaaahaa ha ah. Ahem so why wax? I mean why’d you start.

Grinder: Why not? (Apparently I’m not paying Grinder by the word.)

Borecky: Is the wax business as lucrative as everyone imagines it to be?

Grinder: It’s about as profitable as working at McDonald’s. Except I don’t have to wear the stupid nametag and nug one in some guy’s burger.

Borecky: Now I notice that you have relatively little competition within our borders. Do you have henchmen working overtime busting kneecaps? Do you have a monopoly on the material supply ? Is it just a tight product? …Seriously, are you the only one in Canada?

Grinder: Thugs and free wacky-backy. It was a calling. No one else heard the call up here. Surf, snowbard and the skateboard. There’s a few area snowboard waxes. “One Ball Jay” out of Seattle. Apparently he had a dog involved..then an operation on his balls.. details are a bit sketchy. But no.. not much in the way of competition in Canada. (Borecky’s Note: Are KSN and One-Ball Jay actually the same person?)

Borecky: So what goes into a good product? Is it a trade secret?

Grinder: Wax. I make it in the shed.
(Borecky is seeing a bunch of yokels drinking moonshine and melting down candles from the local Tofino Anglican church in the back of some shack in the woods.. We’ll be investigating this hypothesis in the near future on a field trip to Grinder’s wax factory).

Borecky: Any explosions so far?

Grinder: Can’t talk about that until after the fire marshall’s investigation.

Borecky: Which do you like best about being a reknown wax-maker? The piles of money, the women, or the fame and power?

Grinder: None of the above. I do it for the free wax really. I haven’t picked up too many chicks with the wax yet. But I do get stoked on testing new waxes with friends. I made a clear one the other day.. and all my friends were out there punting big airs with my wax. It’s pure stoke. Basically I get this stirring in my loins….(at this point Grinder just sort of trailed off into some incoherrent moaning and I heard wax-wrappers coming off).

Borecky: Discuss some of the trials and tribulations of running a small cottage industry business out of Tofino.

Grinder: Not much in the way of hurdles. There was the stuff about fighting the “man” to get a business license. Shops are probably the hardest to break into (he’s speaking figuratively here kids). They are initially reluctant to carry and try new things. Everyone seemed to love the surfwax though. Coastline was really great about it, Shakkies too. I guess it’s about trying to learn to be a business man. I hate shmoozing but you have to do it. Learn to schmooze. That’s tough. I’m just a humble, shack-dwelling wax-maker at heart.

Borecky: In a sport reknown for it’s cries of “Sell-Out” to anyone who becomes successful. Is it possible to become a sell-out by pimping wax?

Grinder: Hell no. People love it. They love Canadian Wax. The like the “local wax” approach. Foreign markets are hard. The Yanks seem less than stoked about applying a maple-leaf to their sticks. (Borecky’s Note: I mean, you can’t really blame them what with our less than stellar commitment to warmongering and all. )

Borecky: What’s the inspiration for the six-pack snowboard wax?

Grinder: Well the six-pack is a bit of a joke. Other industries confuse you with technical jargon so we made it simple instead. Six pack. It’s plain, simple, easily recognizable by anyone with enough moxy to trudge down to the local off-sales and decorate the mahogany in exchange for some brews.

Borecky: You sent me a smashing scratch and sniff ‘boobs’ sticker. It’s on my bathroom wall. I have to know.. who’s boobs?

Grinder: Well.. let’s just say an undisclosed friend. Very nice girl-next-door type. All natural.

Borecky: What makes the wax smell so damn good?

Grinder: The love mostly. Well, that and the crushed up blueberries. Locally grown, organic, peace-loving blueberries.

Borecky: So continuing in that vein, hypothetically, let’s say I have this friend who thinks it smells good enough to eat and perhaps can be seen scarfing down portions before a session. Is it harmful?

Grinder: Recommended really. Sticks to your ribs. Digests easy. Keeps you warm and helps you boost those fat airs. Though you probably won’t shit for a week, but that’s overrated anyway.

Borecky: Will it really make me surf better?

Grinder: Actually no. If you suck.. you’ll still suck.

Borecky: The picture of you pimping wax. How’d that go over? Were your legal battles part of the decision to pimp wax instead?

Grinder: That was taken on East Hastings at a place called Pigeon’s Park. We got all sorts coming by. I gave some to the bums there.. I think they ate it. Let’s just call it a philanthropic trip. Besides.. I treated those girls good.

Borecky: Last details about the business?

Grinder: Well. It’s just surf, snowboard and skatewax made in a shack in the woods in Canada. We started in Feb/March 2002. By next year we hope to have the world wax market cornered.

Borecky: One last thing. Where’d the name Grinder come from.?

Grinder: I got it when I was dancing one night.

Borecky: Do we need to elaborate?

Grinder: No. Not at all. I’m going on vacation to Tijuana now. Will this be written up by Christmas?

Borecky: Oh yeah.. I’ll have it done right away. It should be up by early December at the latest.

2 MONTHS LATER…..

THE END.

 Neil Borecky - We like him better draped in the living room curtains

Neil Borecky is a longtime contributor to CoastalBC.com.

Around here we count on Neil inform, edify, crack us up & to transcend the unimaginable. Go Borecky!

FleetofFlow@coastalbc.com

Grinders Board Wax Co

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